Tuesday, November 29, 2005

The rice has become a porridge, and I want to go away

Usually on friday when the work days just finish I keep thinking about the things I shouldn't say/do to the people around. And I do admit that I've had such a big mouth last week due to my overdosed weed. It's going too far till I myself finally realised it. I didn't mean to offend this black crow who has helped me twice but in one to another happening it made me felt regret, I wanted to apologize but I still had two days to wait. Sunday night came, I started making my explanation. Monday finally started, the sun was shining, I prepared myself even though I was too nervous to start. I finally arrived at work, everyone walked outside the building till I finally saw the black crow walked outside the building, too, taking a lunch break. After greeting I started to explain and apologize, his mimic was different while he said it's okay. From far I saw my friend just arrived, she invited me for the weed, we walked to another corner of the building. I passed him by and he seemed to know what we're going to do. I asked him to join and he'd come later, he said. After a while that we were standing there he came and joined with us and I appreciated it as it seemed to show me that he wasn't that mad at me even though I wasn't sure about it.

The whole day seemed weird for me, everyone behaved so weird which made me thought that monday's the case. After the short break we've taken I walked back to my floor, passed him by when he walked from another side. He looked at me sharply in the eyes which made me felt that he's actually mad at me. I couldn't do anything than hung my jacket on the hanger and started working again. I worked and worked, tried not to bother what was happening behind me as I use to work in the corner. I heard his voice, laughed and talked with his friends, but I tried to concentrate as if nothing happened. I felt his ignorance especially after I asked him who the next victim would be and claimed him as a black rabbit (read: playboy) on last friday. I got regret but the aim has got an advantage that he realised what I meant as I think I am flexible and easy going enough to try to communicate with that flirtatious bitch whom I first used to keep distance from. As he used to think differently he might think that I've talked lots with her and that he's the main subject we talked about. As miss understanding as it was which probably made him more offended but I won't start any discussion about the things which confuse him a lots if he doesn't start. That bitch still thinks that I don't talk too much while she's the problem of it.

In the end I just have to keep something in my mind that nobody can turn back the time and the rice has become a porridge. I however ended up wanting to run away from those people and never appear anymore no matter if it was not really my fault in the first time. He was first just a strage black crow for me till all what has happened made me know him and so does he. Now that I know how it is I try to make new plans as I want to know what will happen if I refuse to know them, if I do as if nobody's there. I just do my work. I am so very sad. I offended someone these days :( But it's okay, there's no need to feel sad or to feel down, let's make some plans. Book has always been the best friend when I am alone, it never talks back, it never judges, it never throws mistake, it's just quite but has an interesting story inside. So I meant to say that I want to make myself busy in the break, without bothering the people around and I hope they, especially he, will notice the change. I just don't know what to do else, I keep on trying to avoid him instead.


Anonymous Kat said...

Good to know where to find you now...I have to go through your blog here to see what I missed and what is new.

8:22 PM  
Blogger anonymuis said...

i am going to change the host, anonymuis.com has been down since sunday and it's not the first time, i hate it uff

9:01 PM  
Anonymous Marz said...

I was wondering where you went for a moment there!

What do you mean by the idiom "the rice has become porridge". Like something has happened and it's too late to change it?

7:56 PM  
Blogger anonymuis said...

yea, too late to change coz the mistakes were already done :(

9:22 PM  
Anonymous Marz said...

Ah, okay! I learned something new today. =)

Either way, I am sorry that you got into that situation. I hope that things look up for you. Someone once told me that when something has happened -- whether it be a mistake that is too late for any change or not -- it is in a way a kind of closure because it doesn't leave you hanging. I hope that whatever you do makes things feel better on your part and I hope that he notices the change as well.

9:38 PM  

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